I got this e-mail from a high school friend, and I am very excited to respond to it! She wrote:
"I was just wondering, when you decided to go Vegan (or make any major diet change), how did you cope with what other people around you were doing? Are you still able to go out to dinner? Or what about having dinner at a friend's house or going to a wedding? Are you still able to eat in those settings? And what about Greg [my husband]? Will he eat the Vegan things you make, or does he kind of do his own thing with food?
It sounds like going Vegan has been a really positive change for you, and could be something I'd be willing to try, but eating is such a social activity--I think that would be the hardest part!"
YES! I love this question!
Without a doubt, the two most difficult things about being vegan are:
1. Saying no.
2. Going hungry.
These things are ESPECIALLY difficult for me because:
1. I hate saying no.
2. Being hungry turns me into a horrible monster.
Here are some tips to help ease your worries about being vegan in a non-vegan world...
"How did you cope with what other people around you were doing?"
COPING TIP 1. SCREW PEER PRESSURE.
Peer pressure sucks. Here's an example: You're at a friend's party with a bunch of people and food. Friend A is on a diet. Friend B says "C'mon you HAVE TO TRY THESE ____ (insert something the Person A shouldn't eat)." Person A feels bad, left-out, hungry from dieting... they give in. Diet fails. Person A falls into a self-hating spiral of shame. Person B has no idea that their sweet gesture of trying to share a delicious delicacy had this effect. It's not much different being vegan... You're not on a "diet" but the situation is the same. Most people will quickly learn that you're not trying to be rude or difficult by turning down food and they'll stop bugging you. Some people will even realize how amazing you look and feel after a few weeks, and they'll think "wow, she turned down the egg & dairy filled cupcake and she's happier than ever... maybe I should turn down the non-veg cupcake and eat some fruit instead." So don't let other people get to you. Stand up for yourself and what you want to do. You'll feel better, and your friends/family will admire, appreciate, and emulate your self-control.
COPING TIP 2. DON'T PREACH.
Food is like religion. You've decided to eat in a way that you feel is the best for yourself. Just because you have changed doesn't mean everyone around you has changed. Don't preach. If people have questions, answer them. But don't come down hard on someone who orders a steak while you're out to dinner. And along with this... don't EVER talk about being vegan over a meal that's not vegan. Usually that's when people start to ask questions, but this is not the time to talk about it. You don't want to make anyone feel about about what they've ordered at dinner. Just say something like "I'd love to chat about that but I'm not sure this is the best time." If people really want to know... they'll follow up with you.
"Are you still able to go out to dinner? Or what about having dinner at a friend's house or going to a wedding?"
Yes!!! You can do all of these things! I've successfully done all three for about 10 months... it's totally possible. Here's what I usually do when we're going to eat out:
PICK THE PLACE.
If you're making dinner plans with someone, pick a place you know will have something that's vegan. Say something like "I've been really wanting to try ____" or "I think you'll love ____." Ethnic restaurants are great to try with friends, and they usually have plenty of super yummy veg food.
LOOK ONLINE/CALL AHEAD
So your friends made plans and picked a place without your input... That's fine! The internet is a great resource! Look at the menu online and see if there's something vegan you can eat, or call the restaurant and explain that you're vegan. I've only had a restaurant say they couldn't accommodate me once. If that happens...
EAT BEFORE
You don't want to be hungry and grumpy all dinner... you'll be setting yourself up for vegan failure. You also don't want to be left with bowl of iceberg lettuce, shredded carrots, and olive oil... That's not FTMS. Eat a yummy dinner before you go, and sip on a cocktail while your buddies are eating. You'll be saving money AND you won't be a hungry grump all night. This is also what I do for weddings or catered events, then I look for something vegan when I'm there. (The waitstaff will let you know what's in the dishes.) Plus, it's rare that people are like "OMG THAT WEDDING CHICKEN/VEGGIE LASAGNA WAS TO DIE FOR." You're not missing much. ;-)
BRING A DISH
Going to a friend's for dinner? Ask what you can bring to enhance the menu! Then grab your favorite vegan cookbook and get to work! Dazzle your friends and family with delicious vegan dishes! (Or just bring some veggies and hummus... a good go-to!)
"And what about Greg (my husband)? Will he eat the Vegan things you make, or does he kind of do his own thing with food?"
My husband is amazingly supportive with everything I do... I am very lucky to have him!! He'll eat whatever vegan concoction I come up with, but he's not 100% vegan. (Loosely, his rule is no more than one serving of meat a day. He also uses all of my vegan dairy substitutes.) He still gets lunchmeat at the grocery store, grabs Chick-fil-A for lunch on Fridays, and will make an occasional Lean Pocket or frozen pizza. He's not much of a chef so he won't cook a steak, but when we go out he'll take that opportunity to eat an animal protein. I have no desire "make him vegan" but he knows the benefits of a vegan diet, and respects my eating habits.
An important thing to remember:
Food is the center of things because we make it the center of things.
You will survive if you skip the cheese at a wine tasting. You will feel fulfilled if you eat oatmeal and fruit at brunch instead of an omelet. Focus on enjoying the company of those you love, not the foods that you love. Vegan or not, this is important for everyone to remember!!
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